Am I a good parent?

First of all, if you are asking this question, then yes, you are a good parent. “Good” parents do not worry about how they are parenting their children. But perhaps this is a question that often bounces around in your mind. You hear this thought after you find yourself yelling at your kid or for being annoyed with all their questions or perhaps even at the end of the day as you tuck your children into bed.

You are not alone in having worries about how your parenting is impacting your children’s development and growth. You want your child to be well rounded; be kind to other humans; be smart and enjoy learning; be setup for independence as an adult. It’s not bad to think about these ambitions for your offspring. However, when you find yourself often thinking the thought, “Am I a good parent?” and you hear the answer of “Maybe” or “Definitely not” and it’s frequent, that’s when it may be time to get support.

3 ways to get rid of a negative thought

·      Notice the pattern and frequency of the negative thought. Are you thinking “Am I a good parent” once a day, multiple times a day, or once a week? When are you thinking this thought? After a negative interaction with your child or just at a random moment in the day? Just take notice of this information.

·      Let’s stop that unhelpful thought that keeps popping into your head. Literally, tell yourself to “stop”. Perhaps you imagine a stop sign while saying it. Maybe you clap your hands together while saying “stop”. However, you need to grab your mind’s attention, do it.

·      Time to reframe your thought. This means shifting the thought. So instead of “Am I a good parent?” perhaps you change it to “I love my children and am doing my best.” This simple swap can change your mood almost immediately.

Now you know what you can try to take care of that negative parenting thought that you keep having. If you try this and things are still not getting any better, I encourage you to seek out help! Therapy or coaching can be a great starting point depending on your situation and what your goals are.

Therapy will help you find healing and growth by exploring your past and how it’s impacting your present. Coaching can give you tools and support to find growth and structure for your present and future.

Whatever you choose, the fact that you are even noticing that you don’t like the presence of this thought is big. Be proud of yourself for looking for support any way you have been (even through this blog).  

Disclaimer: This is in no way a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or mental health services. This is for educational purposes only and should be in used only in conjunction in working with a licensed mental health professional. Reading this blog or responding to it does not constitute a provider-patient relationship.  If you are looking for a local mental health professional feel free to use the contact tab to request an appointment or search Psychology Today for local therapists in your area.  If this is a mental health emergency and you need immediate assistance please call 911 or your county’s crisis line to speak to a mental health professional.